


Do you have a name or can I call you mine?

by laheysmythes



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Humor, M/M, a bet is involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laheysmythes/pseuds/laheysmythes
Summary: “You look like trash, may I take you out?” Liam blurted out mostly in annoyance and it gained a laugh from Theo.“Was that an insult or a pickup line?” Theo asked, still amusedly smiling.“Both?” Liam shruggedOr in which Liam tries to get Theo to go on a date with him by using the worst pickup lines he could think of.





	Do you have a name or can I call you mine?

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a post from asphodelesauvage on tumblr (and also dedicated to her) asking for a fic in which Liam tried to seduce Theo using bad pickup lines and my gOD this idea was just too good to not write, so much space for humor I'm yelling internally.

To say that Liam was the absolute worst at flirting was an understatement, because he couldn’t really flirt to save his life. He had only been interested enough in two people in his entire life - interested enough to make a move, and it had sure backfired on him at the beginning for the most part. 

With Hayden... they had hated each other because he had punched her in the face one time, so they started off on the wrong foot. And when Liam figured out he liked  _ liked _ her, not only did he wanted to crawl into a hole and die from embarrassment, but he didn’t know how to talk to her. He screwed up everything until by some miracle she ended up liking him back.

With Theo everything was ten times worse. They had been in way worse terms before with the whole betrayal and hell business, and now they were learning to become friends. Somewhat friends, because more often than not they’d bicker or make some snide comment at each other. But they were friends nonetheless.

When Liam realized his true feelings for Theo he screamed. He grabbed a pillow and let out a muffled scream because  _ what the shit did he get himself into. _ Theo, whom he had a history of being enemies. Theo, whom he had punched and broken his nose multiple times. 

If he had punched Hayden once and ended up dating her for months that meant that he’d end up spending the rest of his life with Theo, judging by the amount of times he had punched the chimera in the face, which had been  _ a lot. _

Well shit, he was screwed.

Liam was awful at talking to people he had a crush on, he was the kind of person who would get super nervous then would either stumble on his words or he’d end up just staring at them until the person would tell him to leave or ask him if he was okay.

Now if that was with people he had a crush on, then being attracted to someone while throwing feelings into the mix was even worse. And judging from experience he wasn’t graceful at it at all.

Thankfully an opportunity landed on him sooner than expected. 

One lazy Friday night he had been watching TV with Theo. They were randomly changing through channels after a history documentary that Liam had been watching previously ended, and they stopped in a channel that was showing a reality show of people trying to score a date with a person they liked.

_ “Do you have a name or can I call you mine?”  _ the guy on the show exclaimed and the girl seemed to give a flirtatious smile. He heard Theo snort from his place on the couch, Liam immediately looking at him.

“That was somewhat decent!” Liam exclaimed, defending the poor guy even though he didn’t know why. He hated pickup lines too, found them extremely cheesy and felt it would just set someone up for failure, but that one hadn’t been  _ that  _ bad.

“If you say so,” Theo replied, somehow slipping further down in the couch lazily. It was way past 1am and yet they were still in the living room. Over the past couple of weeks, they had somewhat adopted that habit of watching stuff together, even if sometimes what they wanted to watch was completely different from their interests.

“Do you hate pickup lines?” Liam asked in return, partially to continue the argument and also because he was curious, his own feelings for the chimera present once again in the back of his mind.

“I’m not saying all pickup lines are bad, just most of them,” Theo deflected the question right away, but instead he had given Liam somewhat of an idea.

“So if anyone tried that with you, would you punch them in the face?” it took a couple of seconds for Liam to realize that maybe the question sounded a bit too obvious, but there was no going back now.

“Depends. Got any on mind?” Theo turned to stare at Liam with  _ that _ look that made him want to push him against a wall and kiss him. The look plus the question had Liam’s nerves on such a flight mode that he stumbled over his next words.

“W-what why would I... know any-” Liam tried to play it smoothly but he failed, his voice betrayed him like always. He took a deep breath then sighed, calming himself down enough to speak. Still no words came out afterwards.

“Tell you what, if you manage to say one good pickup line I’d take you out on a date,” Theo said firmly and Liam’s heart rate spiked.

_ Shit. Keep it together, play it cool,  _ Liam kept repeating over and over because  _ this, _ this right here was what he was trying to get so badly, a way in without having to screw things up or blurt out his feelings in an embarrassing way like he always did.

“What makes you think I’d enjoy going on a date with you?” but of course Liam couldn’t just eagerly accept like he wanted to, he had to play along with ‘not really wanting to but just agreeing later’, like always.

“It’s just for the sake of the game, Liam,” Theo rolled his eyes as he un-muted the TV. “It’s not a date. Call it free food or whatever.”

Liam’s heart fell a little at  _ ‘it’s not a date’ _ because he wished it was, but he knew it had been lowkey his fault for not agreeing since the start. Or maybe not, maybe Theo just didn’t have romantic feelings like he did. He shook the thought out of his head before it spiraled into something worse.

They were in silence for minutes, continuing watching the shitty show on how some people failed at getting their dates. Liam kept racking his brain for pickup lines he could use but didn’t come up with many. Theo thought they had forgotten about it, until Liam spoke.

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven-” Liam started but stopped when he saw the death glare that Theo was giving him because that was one of the worst pickup lines he could’ve gone with.

“No, but I got a few scrapes and bruises when I crawled up from hell,” Theo smugly smiled, leaving Liam with his mouth hanging open because he had  _ not _ expected that. “I said good pickup lines, not the ones that come up on PG teen shows.”

Liam crossed his arms and moved further down his seat on the couch. He glared at the TV as if expecting it to give him answers. 

“Nickel for your thoughts,” Liam started once again after a while, Theo raised an eyebrow lazily.

“I thought it was a penny,” he replied, still not figuring out what Liam meant.

“I think your thoughts are worth more,” Liam managed to say smoothly, smiling proudly at Theo because he thought he had won, but the most he got out of the older boy was a low chuckle.

“You still can’t buy shit with five cents,” Theo replied, changing channels on the TV. Liam huffed in exasperation.

“That was original,” Liam complained.

“Still not the point,” Theo replied back.

Liam fiddled with his phone, still determined to come up with a decent pickup line, at this point just to win the argument he had with Theo.

“Do you have the time?” Liam asked, eyeing Theo curiously to see if he would fall for the trick.

“Uh, it’s past 1 am-” Theo answered after looking at the phone, Liam snorted.

“No, I mean the time to write down my number,” Liam smirked because Theo had indeed fallen for it instead of predicting it. Theo just stared back at him with a dumbfounded expression.

“You do know that I already have your number right?” Theo questioned.

“Yes but you gotta admit that was a good one!” Liam tried to defend his own pickup lines but Theo just shook his head in disapproval.

“Sometimes I wonder how you managed to get a girlfriend,” Theo said.

Liam was getting restless by that point, tapping his fingers repeatedly against his phone, making his brain  _ think, think.  _ But there was so much his brain would be able to give him at this ungodly hour of the night.

“You look like trash, may I take you out?” Liam blurted out mostly in annoyance and it gained a laugh from Theo.

“Was that an insult or a pickup line?” Theo asked, still amusedly smiling.

“Both?” Liam shrugged because out of all the lines he didn’t think that would be the one to work. “Did it work?”

“What? You so desperately want to go on a date with me?” Theo teased.

“Even if I did - which I  _ DON’T _ \- it seems like I wouldn’t get anywhere,” Liam complained, turning to stare at the screen instead of Theo’s eyes that felt like they were burning holes in his skin.

“Fine. Answer me this, if I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?” Theo exclaimed and Liam was about to answer  _ No _ out of habit but then he stopped and realized the meaning. If he said yes he’d be agreeing to a date, and if he said no then he’d be agreeing either way.

“God damn, you smooth bastard,” Liam whispered not even answering the question.

“And that’s how it’s done,” Theo smugly said as he turned off the TV and made his way upstairs to go to sleep.

“So what does that mean?” Liam said, still wondering if they’d get to go on their ‘date’ or not.

“What do you mean?” Theo said innocently as if he had no clue what Liam was talking about.

“You know, the “date” or whatever,” Liam said, making air-quotes on date for emphasis.

“Since  _ I won _ ,” Theo said and Liam glared. “It’s up to you to decide or whatever.”

Theo made his way upstairs, leaving a thoughtful Liam behind. He sunk deeper into the couch, lost in thought to the point he ended up falling asleep there.

\---

On their sixth-months-of-being-a-couple date, they brought up the pickup lines topic. Liam wanted to die with embarrassment because he couldn’t believe that he put himself through that misery of saying cheesy and stupid pickup lines to get Theo to go on a date with him.

It turned out that Theo also had feelings for Liam, but both had been too stubborn and stupid to notice the signs from one another until the circumstances on that Friday night and the stupid pickup lines forced them to go on a date together.

Theo would tease him forever though, he would see a cheesy pickup line and would poke fun at Liam because it’s probably something the werewolf would’ve said. Liam wants to push him down into a hole.

“Remind me again, why am I dating you?” Liam narrowed his eyes at Theo teasingly, not really meaning it.

“Just ask Thomas Paine. He knows dating me is Common Sense,” Theo smoothly said while taking yet another bite of his fries. Liam just stared at him with his mouth hanging, the fork he had been holding fell onto his plate with a loud ‘thud’.

“Did you- did you just said a historical pickup line?” Liam asked like he couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing.

“It was a one-time thing, don’t get too excited,” Theo said while looking down at his food for a moment, but when he looked up he saw the smile plastered on Liam’s face, making his heart melt a little.  _ God, when had they become that cheesy couple that pulls shit like this? _

“You must be Athena then, because you sure won me,” Liam replied briefly afterwards, he couldn’t contain himself despite him saying no less than five minutes ago that he would never again try to make another attempt at a pickup line.

“I have no idea who that is, but nice try,” Theo replied, and Liam began to go on one of his long explanations about Greek mythology meanwhile the older boy just enjoyed his food and listened to the werewolf. He would probably never get tired of that ever.

**Author's Note:**

> The two hour research of going through pickup lines paid off. Anyways the amount of pickup lines I had to see, sometimes I cringed and sometimes I was laughing my ass off. Hope I managed to still get them on character because that was the biggest challenge of them all.  
> -Alejandra


End file.
